you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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