I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
