this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
