If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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