I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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