On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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