So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
