The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
