I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
