I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
