It's like God shit irony all over that family
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
