I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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