you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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