I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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