you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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