whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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