i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
