I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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