they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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