I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I need to stop coming to work sober
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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