We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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