My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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