Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
