I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
