i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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