Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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