You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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