he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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