Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
