I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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