Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
