oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
