I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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