my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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