I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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