I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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