I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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