My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Randomize
