I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
