Where is the hickey?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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