my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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