TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
