i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she told me i tasted like america
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
