you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
