he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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