I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
