90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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