for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
