I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
