Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
