we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
