I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
