i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
