i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
