did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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