I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
