$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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