Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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