We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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