dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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