all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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