Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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