I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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