There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
