Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
