Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
