Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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