In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
