What a fucking waste of an outfit
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
