Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
