I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
