It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize