He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
