i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
