Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
