Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
