Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
