We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you didnt know i had herpes?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
