so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
