We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
