Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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