so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
