so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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