I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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