I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
