Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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